We are born defenseless and vulnerable, yet we are born knowing what feels good and what doesn't.
We learn quickly how to differentiate between love and rejection, who is our mother and who is not.
Yet, while this becomes our foundation for sensing and feeling, we are still dependent for a few years on the adults we were trusted into. Even when knowing that our instinct is to trust the ones that are supposedly taking care of us in the best way they know or not, we learn the opposite. We learn not to trust.
With that foundation of not believing others' words or actions, every situation we are confronted with is viewed through those lenses of distrust and skepticism. And we are validated over and over again.
This is my story, of being lied to, deceived and rejected by the very same that were "supposed" to be my loving family. It made me independent, first, because I got tired of broken promises and took action to get what I was promised myself, second, it made me very resourceful, as I declared over and over that I can do whatever it is I set my mind to.
My NDE at age 3 opened me up to a different view of life and I painfully knew when people's words and body language did not jive. It is inherent of me, and further solidified my distrust of people.
Fast forward to my thirties and the shamanic world of healing. I felt very at home in it and trusted my Guides and Helpers. Still do, but what I neglected was a healthy dose of skepticism. I knew energy does not lie, and it has been my compass in life, until 2007, when my naivete accepted a different set of beings adept at "using" for their own agenda. They too rely on energy and know exactly what to say to make you trust them and cooperate with them.
My rude awakening came in 2012 and lasted for six years until I learned that I too, am a master at reading energy and am equal to those Beings.
I also learned that anger is a powerful ally when learning to stand up for myself and assert myself.
Now fast forward to a couple of years ago, when all those Beings were finally gone from my life and a different set took their place.
It seems that the Universe is playing a game of hmmm, let's see if you can master this level now, like those computer games that take you from simple levels to more complex ones to see if you can beat the computer.
Now I've got groups of Beings that are persistent and not so easy to get rid of. They finally realized that I'm not an easy one to crack, and are somewhat transparent with their motives for being in my realm, but they complain that I don't trust them, ha ha ha... No, and I never will. The pain of discovering I was deceived into believing a lie, the pain of a heartbreak is not something I want to revisit over and over again.
I want to trust. it would be much less stressful, but after living through hundreds if not thousands of little and major heartbreaks, rejections, and depression, I can't.
I trust animals, I trust nature, I trust my helpers, I trust my grandmother who is in spirit, and I mostly trust myself, although sometimes I ignore my intuition.... heck, I'm human and therefore not perfect.
I never felt like I belonged anywhere, and even though I came to accept it, the human part of me wants to feel like a piece that completes the fabric of humanity.
What is happening on the planet now makes it very difficult for me to believe that I belong anymore.
I don't. It makes me very sad, a beautiful planet that I love so much is being destroyed by the very same that depend on it to thrive.
It pains me to know that this life being my last one on this planet, will not see humans accepting one another and supporting one another.
I had a revealing insight a few days ago about the nature of what we call Anima and the actual Energy Being that we are.
I saw my Luminous Being carrying the blue ball of light that animates the body and that in Japanese Anime is depicted as the soul when it leaves the body after death.
The Luminous Being takes this blue ball of light with it into the next human incarnation, and the one after that, and so on, so although the next body is different from the previous one, the Essence of who we are is always the same.
The blue light ball is what constitutes the Anima, or Soul. It is the part of the Luminous Being that connects with the Human to express itself. It is placed in the human embryo as it develops in the womb and gives its Light to the embryo, thus starting a new existence on this planet.
The blue light ball and the Luminous Being are One, not separate energies, but the blue light ball carries the imprint of each human existence into the next.
For some reason, when I saw the image I described above, I was flooded with love.
I am Amayah. Here you will find the story of an amazing being that became trapped in the cycle of incarnation on Earth. I hope that my experiences inspire you to discover your story.