On being a woman
I will not refer here to the Goddess or sacred feminine concepts, but to the reality of being a woman on this planet today.
More specifically, I want to share my experience of being a woman born in the early 1950's in Brazil and my 42 years of life in the U.S.
Women in South America are relegated to functions and working opportunities of less value than men. In Brazil, much earlier than my working age, my mother went to University to become an Architect. She was the only woman in her whole class. Soon after graduation she realized the difficulties of procuring a job in a male dominated society and opened her own office. She struggled her whole working life to make a living as a woman, but later in life she was fortunate to find clients that were appreciative of her work.
I did not want to become an Architect, but had no other choice, as my mother would not allowed me to follow any other vocation. Yes, she was controlling and domineering, so I had no other choice. I went to University in the early 1970's and still, I was one of only three women in the whole class.
After graduation, during my work search, I was told many times that the Architect's position was for men only, why don't I just go home and be a housewife....
I eventually found jobs, only to witness the male disdain for the professional women in their employ.
The treatment of women in Brazil by the majority of the male dominated society was that women were put on Earth to be used by men when their sexual urges needed to be satisfied, cook and clean for them and if the man believed his woman gave a side glance to another man, it was cause for beating and sometimes murder.
Yes, violence against women was and I believe still is rampant today in Brazil and South America, just because it is socially accepted and applauded. Yes, applauded.
I myself was subjected to it many times.
After I moved to the U.S., I thought it would be different, until, in the early 1980's, I went to a job interview in Southern California. While I was explaining my portfolio to the man interviewing me, I was suddenly interrupted by him with "I'm very disappointed... I was under the impression I was going to interview a young man, not a woman..." ( I have a deep voice, so I am often mistaken by a male on the phone). I quickly rolled up the drawings and told him I had to go.
Many similar instances happened in my working life in the U.S., but that one was the most flagrant.
I don't have a family here. My blood family in Brazil died, one by one, a long time ago, so I have always had to provide for myself. This led me to several work places where I had to swallow my pride and just do my best.
There are Countries and cultures on this planet where men do not work side by side with women, and in the 1980's and '90's, many foreigners from Asia and the Middle East came here and were quickly hired for many reasons, not always of merit and I had to either work with them, or they had to work under my supervision. It was very difficult, as their displeasure and aversion was very apparent, no matter how professional I tried to maintain.
With this background, having to work in a male dominated corporate world, where women are not allowed to climb the same social, economic and work ladder as men, I learned later on to work with men on their own terms. No feminine traits were allowed if I was to communicate and get the job done. I learned to talk like men, think like men, and take action like men.
I never really had a chance to be the feminine woman I was born to be and I cry every time I hear stories of abuse towards women in Countries were brutality and viciousness against women are still rampant.
I learned to be assertive, stand up for myself and use my intuition to guide my actions. I learned to be comfortable wearing pants and pant suits, so men would not be distracted and make sexual advances, but even so, I didn't escape sexual harassment in the work place.
I notice in many overly feminine environments, a tendency towards wearing sexually revealing clothing, which, in my experience, only perpetuates the social inequality between the sexes. Women can be attractive and sensual without advertising their enlarged breasts or buttocks. Women can be respected when they are confident about themselves without playing the seduction game to advance socially in life.
Being feminine is inherent to women. It is being nurturing and allowing intuition to guide her actions, which is, in my opinion, having worked in a male dominated environment, a huge advantage over men.
I am at peace with being a woman, and as a crone (the archetypal figure, a Wise Woman), I am comfortable with who I am.
I am balanced between the male and female aspects of me, and sometimes I get puzzled looks from people that can't quite "figure me out."
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I am Amayah. Here you will find the story of an amazing being that became trapped in the cycle of incarnation on Earth. I hope that my experiences inspire you to discover your story.