I touched upon this subject before, but today I want to revisit it from a different angle.
From fitting into the "normal" category to being considered to belong in the fringes of society, or in the crazy or delusional category, humans walk a very fine line.
Many are afraid of deviating from their instructions dolled out by church, family and accepted affiliations, because questioning those instructions would be punishable with shunning, rejection, and worse yet, spending some time with a psychiatrist and being medicated.
As with my case, having had at least three NDE's  that I know, possibly one more when my heart stopped during surgery many years ago, my mental/ psychological faculties do not match the norm.
I've always known that I walk a very fine line, between sanity and insanity, or what is considered such.
My family was extremely abusive and dysfunctional, and once, when I was 16 years old, I mentioned to my mother that my teacher in school suggested we attended a psychologist to talk about my issues.
My mother quickly threatened to put me away in a mental institution, so I withdrew the suggestion. I learned then to keep it to myself, my problems, my aspirations, my perception of reality.
Since early age I was able to see shadowy figures moving about the living. Since I did not want to be labeled crazy, I never said anything.
There were so many things I knew and did spontaneously, but always kept it to myself.
I tend to scare people with my abilities to do healing, be with the spirit world and help the dead go to the Light. Most Healers stick with superficial and known techniques that make people feel good. Not me.
What most people are afraid of, I am comfortable with. I'm not afraid of energies, Beings, ghosts, or the elements. They are my world, a world most in the mental professions describe as hallucinations.
Did you know that Mediums and Shamans are considered to be hallucinating when they work with non-Human intelligence, i.e., light Beings, Angels, orbs, Star People, E.T.'s, etc?
Talking to plants and animals is considered delusional.
I walked away from a friend several years back, someone who calls herself a solitary witch and who believes in dragons and does healing work, because she suggested i should move into a nursing home because I probably had dementia. Why, because I was talking about the U.F.O.'s I had been in contact with and the E.T.'s that wouldn't leave me alone. I guess Dragons are real, but E.T.'s are not.
The last seven years totally shattered my concept of reality and sanity.
Honestly, during those years, sometimes I wished I was crazy, so I could take a pill and dull everything.
I pulled through it all luckily, probably because I spent just about all of my life in a multidimensional reality and I knew I was not going crazy. It was a test of strength and determination, and I made it.

In my career as an Architect, I worked in many remodel or salvage projects; some were historical buildings where the City or the County very much wanted to bring back the glory of the old.
Sometimes, as demolition progressed we found it was not salvageable, and total replacement was the call. Sentimental value attachments made it difficult to convince that the old had to go, as it had become unsafe and unusable.
Sometimes sentimental attachments, or fear of losing the memories of times past were obstacles that could not be overcome. The solution was to walk away and allow time to bring common sense and healing.
Being an Architect was not just about buildings, it was a metaphor for human expressions of culture, religion and divisions, as well as the universal need for respect and comfort.  Without understanding of the values and cultural issues, we create resentment and division.
I heard this morning on NPR, about Iranian Americans in Los Angeles expressing their fear of animosity against them by non Iranians because of the tensions going on now between America and Iran.
I met many Iranians in the past, they came here after the Shah was deposed. They could have gone somewhere else in the World, but they chose this Country as their new home. They were wonderful people, with rich traditions and a beautiful energy. But now  the times are different. Now, there is division, fear, fueled by ignorance and lack of acceptance of diversity.
I lived in many places on this American soil, mainly because Architecture depends on the health of the economy, so when a recession hit, I had to find a job somewhere else, sometimes another state. Some states do not openly embrace someone that comes in from another place, or an outsider as I was referred to. They viewed me with suspicion, questioned my motives for wanting to live in "their" territory, and shunned me from their circles.
In Yakima, WA, for example, I interviewed for a job at a small company owned by three Architects: a Southern Baptist, a Seven Day Adventist and a Born Again Christian. During the lengthy interview they asked me questions about my family of origin, religious beliefs, etc. When I told them the story of my Russian Jewish grandmother fleeing Stalin persecution and being sent to Brazil, the three men stiffened and said: "we are Christians here, and have strong family values." As if Jewish people don't have family values? I had to swallow and smile, as i needed the job, but also had to endure a couple of years of comments like "you are not one of ours, you don't get invited to sit at our table for Christmas..."
The list goes on, but I don't want to list them here.
This whole thing came back into my mind today when I was told by the Beings from a Far Away Galaxy of the upcoming changes for this planet, and how I cannot stop them. I realized then how polarized and divided this planet is. We are at a point where no one is willing to pull up a chair and listen to each other, and only a catastrophic demolition of all the barriers, and entrenched beliefs, would allow us to embrace each other as a fellow Human and start all over from scratch.
As much as I don't want to accept this reality, Humans are mostly beyond shedding the layers of fear, beliefs and ignorance that led to where we are now. They are so firmly entrenched in holding on to their prejudices and defending their territory, that the only solution, (which in Architecture is called leveling out to make room for the new), is called by the Beings as a total cleansing.
I can't be rosey about it, there is no sugar coating the ugliness of wars, hatred and divisiveness.
Trust me, I'm a Healer, I create harmony and new life wherever I go, so either the Beings are being extreme in their messages, or I'm in denial. I'd rather believe a total cleansing will not be necessary if only people woke up and took the first step towards living in peace with each other and this planet.
If only.

I was born into a Jewish family and raised by my religious but superstitious Grandmother.
She was born and raised in a small village in Ukraine, at a time when girls were wed at a young age to suitable husbands. Her husband was Russian, and luckily very kind.
In 1921, as Jews were persecuted and killed in her native land, the Red Cross stepped in and took many refugees to other Countries that accepted them. She was put on a ship with just the clothes in her body, her husband and her two young daughters. The oldest one died during the trip, but my mother, who was only two years old survived.
They arrived at the port of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, poor, without knowledge of Portuguese or the culture. Unfortunately, I do not know much more, as my Grandmother never spoke to me about her life in Brazil.
She read the Old Testament daily, and observed all holidays and most of what I became came from her.
She believed in a punishing God, as she constantly admonished me and complained that God would punish my mother and my uncle for the constant fighting and abuse going on.
I grew up immersed in an extremely dysfunctional and abusive home, and the abuse also spilled outside, to the way men treated, and still treat women, the way I was bullied for being white, a Jew and overly sensitive. I read many horrendous stories of extreme cruelty against little children and argued with my Grandmother that if there was a God, why would he let such cruelty happen to them.
Funny, I never realized that my family was so fucked up that I was the punching bag for all their dysfunction, anger and negativity. My Grand,other constantly cried, because she could not understand what she did wrong for my Mother to turn so viciously on everything.
All I could do is watch and suffer silently.
As I grew up and out of that environment, the word God disappeared from my vocabulary.
I never believed in an invisible punishing old man sitting on a throne in the sky that never came for my Grandmother or myself, no matter how religiously fervent she was.
Many years later, after I emigrated to the U.S., I gravitated to what came naturally to me, Tarot, healing, shamanism. I wanted to fit into the New Age movement, so I repeated many concepts that replaced the word god, with, Creator, Goddess, Mother/ Father God, Source, etc., etc.
I studied Metaphysics, I studied Buddhism, Zen, practiced Mindfulness, dabbled in other religions, Hinduism, studied with many Native American elders, living and non-living,, and many more, but never really connected with the idea that there is a God, painted in so many versions and colors.
About 15 years ago, at a psychic fair, I decided to have an Aura photo taken by this woman that had a very fancy and expensive apparatus connected with a computer and printer. For a few years I would have an yearly photo taken to check my progress.  One thing the first photo clearly showed was that my crown chakra was closed and the color was off. The woman's interpretation was that I was mad at God.
Well, yes. But not at the finger pointing man on a throne somewhere in the sky, but the feeling of betrayal of a promise made by a story that wants you to believe that there is justice in the Heavens and that little children should never be abused and tortured.
Well, much developed since those early days when I allowed other energies to speak through me and show me what could not be found in books, including a thought provoking belief that there is a field of infinite possibilities where all that is in that field can become matter and physical (Deepak Chopra)
When I first heard it, I was intrigued, but couldn't quite grasp that concept. I wanted to learn more, or better, experience it.
Fast forward to my experience with Star Beings and other Beings, I was at a Sound Bath event a few years ago,  where one is immersed in sound while in an alpha state, and the group of Beings in my life at that time used the opportunity to expand my physical and non-physical being into the field of consciousness that exists in the Cosmos.
I literally felt as if I was exploding into particles and expanding rapidly into Galaxies, planets and everything in between. I wanted to scream, but couldn't. I became the field. I was everything.
I was the galaxies, the galaxies were me. I no longer could explain anything, put things in files with labels, and what seemed important before became meaningless.
Everything changed. Including the concept of God, Creator. Goddess, Source. There is no out there, somewhere, there is only here, now.
I find it impossible to have a conversation with someone that hangs on to illusions.
I now know the concept of oneness and I look around on this planet and all I see is separateness, fear, judgement, which drive people to a God that will save them from their sins.

In the early 1980's, a woman asked me to help her with a back injury that caused non-stop pain, no matter what the doctors prescribed. It originated by a file cabinet falling on her back, so it was a workman's comp case.
Since she had tried everything and the pain was still there, I decided to use a Past-life Regression technique to go through the gamut of emotions she was still stuck into since the accident.
After the session, she sat up and looked dumbfounded. She yelled, "what did you do?"
I asked her to explain what she meant and she said that the pain was gone. But she was not happy, she was angry, very angry that she could not sue her employer anymore for the accident.
She demanded I put the pain back (?!?)  I told her I couldn't do that, and she stormed out.

On another occasion, a man I knew also had a work injury to his back that caused agonizing pain, taking pain pills to pass out for a few hours so he wouldn't feel anything. I offered to help and he said he wanted his former employer to pay for his negligence, so he wanted to stay in pain to get as much money as he could in the pending lawsuit. And after the Court hearing? He was used to being damaged by then, it became his identity, the victim that elicited pity from everybody.

A woman that came to me for a reading once, related how afraid she was of her mother. How old was her mother? Ninety years old. Her mother was abusive to her since she was a child, but now, in a wheel chair and sick, how much physical abuse can she inflict? None. But the daughter insisted in holding on to the fear, as if it was her identity. If she let go of the fear and empowered herself, who would she be? She didn't want to know.

The list goes on. I don't understand what people really want when they come to a Healer or Shaman for healing. Pity? Commiseration?
I don't believe they really want to let go of what is making them ill, as it is very useful to some to complain and feel helpless so someone will hurry to take care of them.
Sometimes, I presume, it comes from unmet needs in childhood, misdirected and twisted, so the reality becomes veiled and blurred.

There are, however, grateful people that are happy to shed the blocks in their lives so they can thrive.

As a Shaman, I don't deny healing to anyone that asks, but I cannot predict the outcome of my work. as It really depends on the willingness of the person asking for help to receive it.
Yes, the willingness to receive it.
Some people are stuck on "asking" for help, like a broken record that keeps repeating the same words until we push the needle forward out of the damaged groove.
Some people refuse to move out of the damaged groove, and I believe they don't want to be helped, they want to keep crying for help. Why? It is not my help they want, it is Mommy or Daddy that they want to come and fix what was broken a long time ago. It's very sad.
The truth is, we are all broken to some extent.
Some of us don't want to stay broken, we push forward out of the brokenness and accept the healing we seek. Those are my happy stories, to watch people transform and blossom, like raising birds from hatchlings, watching their wings grow and then one day take flight  and be free.

What is right and what is wrong is subjective to many variables, such as culture, beliefs, dogma, laws and personal experience.
In my case, as I went through a past-life regression session at the moment of my conception, the concept of wrong vs. right is very personal and deep rooted.
Wrong to me, is when my personal freedom and boundaries are infringed upon, when someone accuses me of something I did not do, to cover up his or her own doing, when someone makes me a target of their own hatred just because I exist on my own set of values and morals.
I grew up as a witness and object of discrimination by my own family and the locals in the Country I grew up in. My sense of injustice grew and grew until it became fits of rage, when I would trash things around the house because i could never hurt a living thing.
I am not apologizing for my fits of rage, I understand they were the only relief pressure valve when there was nothing else I could do. I couldn't stop my brother when he threw an open pair of scissors at me that missed my right eye by half an inch and embedded itself in the door jamb behind me.
No matter what he did, the insults, the machinations, the stealing and so on, my Mother's usual response was, "my baby wouldn't do that, stop lying."
The energy of my upbringing was definitely in my energy field, and everyone I came across reacted to it and reinforced it by making me a target of their whatever, discrimination, disdain, bullying, and so on.
Discrimination because i was a female, so I wasn't worth of their respect, disdain because I was "too sensitive" and would well up in tears at their negativity or disapproval of who I was, bullying because i was too white, a Jew, had teenage acne, my Mother was a single Mom, I didn't dress to par because my Mother would not allow me to fit in, too fat, you name it.
My sense of injustice was cultivated by my life story. It followed me at work as an Architect, it followed me as a Healer when people would dismiss the "miraculous" healing effects as "you couldn't have done that, it was probably the aspirin I took", or they would be afraid of telling anyone I took away their pain.
One woman actually became enraged that after a session, her back pain stemming from a work injury completely disappeared and she could not sue her employer anymore. She demanded I put the pain back (?????)
The other thing is, I have the innate sense of knowing when people are lying, pretending, or putting on a show to hide the truth. This makes it extremely difficult to be around people. I was born this way and it became a way of being since my NDE at three years old.
It is also extremely difficult to endure what the political circus  has become in the last four years. To be honest, I can't stand it anymore. It's a waste of time, energy and purpose for a  Human being to exist on this planet.
No point in elaborating on the purpose of being nowadays when the insanity has become so prevalent and pervasive, either one retreats into a cave to survive, or develop PTSD and start acting out, or join in the band wagon of outrage against the trespasses against decency and inner morals.
I love arts and healing sciences, but I should have become a Lawyer, to either prosecute the trespassers of decency and boundaries, or defend the wrongfully accused or victimized.
As an Architect, I became adept at knowing the building codes and negotiating with building officials. I took pride in not attacking the officials, but working with them for the best outcome, much to the dismay of some of my colleagues that had and have no regards for the law and try to weasel out of it through bribery or combativeness.
I stand alone in a sea of what to me is hurtful disrespect and disregard for all life, human and non-human. I spent twenty years of intense undoing of the damage I endured by being born into a family that was unloving, did not want me and saw me as damaged goods. I learned to move through layers and layers of beliefs, painful emotions and make peace with my core issues. I learned to put what I was made and became into good use, by helping others move through their pain and emerge an authentic Human, through their best efforts, but injustice I cannot stop.
I learned to work with high frequencies to undo the darkness generated by people and embedded in the land, but it seems to never end.
In the past three years, through constant interactions with Beings of many dimensions and places,  including my beloved Guides, the message is constant. Much to my chagrin, the message is "the cleansing is coming, there is no other way".
Humans are in a path of self-destruction, and I feel helpless about it.  Maybe this is the reason why I always felt and said that this is my last time here. I remember saying it when I was six years old.
I hope I live here long enough to see justice prevail. Justice to the planet and all the innocent lives being destroyed every day by the likes of politicians, criminals and haters.
Meantime, the Beings in my life tell me darkness will be eradicated and it needs to be brought into light for all to see and know what to do about it. It is slowly being dealt with, but, as I wrote above, it is extremely difficult for me to go through this.
Thanks for reading.

I remember as a child, watching the Lone Ranger T.V. shows, with his friend Tonto always accompanying him.
I was more impressed by Tonto than the masked cowboy hero.
I wanted to know more about Native Americans, not the stereotyped ones made for T.V. shows, I wanted to know the real ones, but literature was not available to me then.
That was Brazil in the 1950's. We consumed American made culture, as if we had no culture to cherish.
In Brazil, February is Carnaval time, (yes, carnaval, not carnival) when people dress up in costumes and go have fun dancing in clubs or on the streets. One year, my mother decided I was going to be a gypsy, not a real one, and even though I was a child and never saw a real gypsy, I just knew the costume was ridiculously fake, so I decided the following year I was going to dress up as a Native American. I got to choose everything I wanted in the costume including all the fringes and beads. It felt great.
Fast forward to 1978, in the U.S., I had a friend that got me into Tarot cards, Chakras, Macrobiotics, Green tea, and more. That's when I started seeing ghostly images of Native Americans everywhere I went. 
At my first mediumship class in 1986, the teacher said that since I was a newbie, I was going to go first.
I looked at her and said, "Uh... what do I do here?" She said "get out of the way!"
I repeated "get out of the way" to my self, and BOOM! this huge, extremely hot energy spoke through me: "This body too small for me!" to which I got up and started to speak in a booming broken English addressing everyone in the room. Even though the room was darkened, I could see many shapes around and behind people. The messages talked of teepees, lodges, ancestors and more.

Well, this was my first conscious contact with my Medicine Man healing guide. He initiated me in many healing ceremonies and guided me to places where I could learn from living Native Americans, and I was always received lovingly, even though I am a white woman.

Several years later, while in a guided meditation group, I saw myself as a toddler, being scooped up onto a Pinto horse by this Medicine Man guide and three others on horses like his. It became clear to me, where my love for Native Americans was coming from.
There are four main Native Americans that accompany me from life to life, and it took me a long time to understand why. Even though I have no Native American ancestors in this life time, I was once, many life times ago one of them. For reasons explained in previous storytelling posts, this life time was very significant for them to bring me here to the U.S., and work closely with them.
I call them my Brothers and Sisters, not just from previous lives, but also Star Brothers and Sisters that have been with me from long ago.
When they work with me in healing sessions, they speak in their language, sing their healing / ceremonial songs and show me things.
One in particular, a medicine woman that is closer to me than the others, told me of her last life as a Human on this planet. "The white Europeans kept coming, bringing disease and deception. Her village was one of many in the Narragansett tribe that was destroyed and burned to the ground. Her people, the few left, fled north, towards Canada, and it was then that she decided this was her last life here. She had been a Native American for many lives, and everything she believed and lived for was forever gone. She was not coming back."
See, the old ones, the Great-great-grandfathers and Great-great-grandmothers, knew who they were and where they came from. The Star Brothers and Sisters were always here with them, constantly reminding them of where they came from and where one day they were going to return. They knew, when the white Europeans came, their way of life was changed forever, so many decided to stay in the Spirit World to guide the ones that got caught in the reincarnation cycle trying to keep the ancient teachings and ways of life alive.
These specific four Beings that accompany me from life to life, found me while I was once in between lives and never left.
They are my family, my beloved trustworthy ones.
There are others that come in when I drum and sing beautiful and loving songs through me. Their songs are sometimes healing, sometimes powerful prayers and rituals.
I used to go to Pow-Wows, and they moved my feet to the drumming so familiar to me, many local Indians would asked me what tribe I was from. Once in Washington State, this cunning Elder I knew, said, "come, let's dance." I knew he was testing me and I felt, "uh-oh, how am I going to do this now". I felt my feet and body move the same way all the other women moved, and his smug look and smile, turned into satisfaction that I was not just a spectator and he was happy. He respected me from then on.
I miss those days, when I lived in Indian Country in WA, NM and CO.
The Pow-Wows here are not quite the same, but my Spirit Family is always here to show me the way of the land.

I'm sure I'm not the only one on this planet that was self-made, i.e., had to learn about everything by myself without any help.
I'm sure I'm not the only one on this planet that was born into a very abusive situation and spent a lifetime trying to find myself. There are others out there.
The thing is, my whole life was and is, an in the moment everyday event. It's a rolling series of events, and it was never a dull moment, as the saying goes.
Because of the daily ongoing challenges, physical, emotional, financial, psychological and survival challenges, I never really had a chance to learn or prepare for what it is like to grow old in a society that does not appreciate old folks. I never felt old, even though my body is aging with every day that passes. I never thought about being old. I don't feel old, despite the reminder my body gives me every time I think I'm still 30 years old.
I never thought that one day, no matter how stubborn and determined I am to keep going, the reality that I don't have another fifty years to start living the life I always wanted to live is here to stay.

Wayne Dyer once wrote, don't let your song die within you unsung. And boy, what a struggle that is. I have so much to offer, to teach, to create, and I really don't have the means to do it.
Where is my healing center that I visualized, detailed, drummed for and talked about infinite times ?
Where is my voice gone? It seems unheard by most. So much to share, and yet, most are too busy on social media or partying to care.
I love this planet and all life on it.
I have a vision of higher vibration Humans filled with compassion and respectful of life. I'm afraid I won't live long enough to see it and It breaks my heart.
There are Beings in my life begging me to help them activate their Star brothers and sisters living here as Humans so they can help elevate the life on this planet to a higher purpose.
The reality is, most Humans are terrified of change. Even if they know there is a higher calling to their life. Furthermore, there are 7.5 billion or so people living on this planet, and I do not know how to reach the Star brothers and sisters of these Beings.
Easy for Star people that travel on spaceships to go from one end of this planet to another. I don't have that luxury. I don't have the money to travel and give presentations or workshops.
For many years I sought sponsorship for transformational group healing work. It all fell on deaf ears. Maybe not meant to be, some said. So what am I to do?
Give it away, some said. Well, I did give lots away when I had a day job and did not need the money and for that reason, I was challenged by many that did not understand my principles.
I still give a lot away and for some absurd reason, Humans believe that if it is free there must be something wrong with it.
One example that sticks in my mind happened many years ago, in Washington State, I used to go to the boardwalk in Bremerton every Sunday to sell my organic dried fruit at the market. One Sunday, this young man was struggling to set up his canopy, so I offered to help. He was going to culinary school to become a chef, and so he brought his gourmet pastries to sell. His wife made beautiful silk ties and offered them for $10.00 each. I said, no, you need to charge at least $30.00 for the silk ties. He said, but it only takes her 10 minutes to make them...
So I went back to my space as the market opened.
Two hours later, the young man came to my space laughing so hard, he said people are stupid! I said, why, he said they would come and look at the ties and ask for the price. When he mentioned $10.00, they would look at the ties suspiciously and say, oh, it's not silk, it only looks like silk, and walked away. So he raised the price to $30.00 like I suggested, and he sold all twelve ties in half an hour!
Yup. I hate to admit it, but the value people put on goods and services is based on a distorted notion that to be good it must cost a lot.
I never agreed with the ongoing myth that my work is so special I should charge hundreds of dollars for a session like most do. That would prevent many that sincerely want help and are committed to becoming their true selves from receiving help.
Financially, I cannot rent a space somewhere anymore and wait for people to come. Done that, been there many times. I offer my services at fairs and also travel to people's homes. The looks of suspicion when I mention the latter translates into: What is wrong with you? You don't have an office? What are you, a beginner?
So maybe my song will die unsung inside.
I am too tired and too old to care anymore. I learned long ago as a healer, that not everyone wants to heal themselves. Most feel safe and comfortable in their pain because it is familiar. As a friend used to say to those people, "better luck next time, in another life".
As an Astrologer once told me, I'm way ahead of my time, the world is not ready for me.
Maybe.
What a shame.