This is a sensitive issue for me, as it is part of my core issue of wanting to be accepted as "normal" (ha, what is normal?) and not be shunned for being different or weird, as some labeled me in the past.
But, as I told the woman that insisted I should have a website and helped me set this one up, I'm not for everyone. She unfriended me when I was done creating this website because it was "too much information" for her to accept me as I am. Oh well...
Alright, here it goes.
I wrote a little about this in an older post, but I feel a need to be completely open so I, myself can accept it, as bizarre as it may be for most.
A Being showed up in my life a couple of years ago, claiming he was "my other". His communication skills make it difficult for him to explain things in my language, so I encourage him to speak in his own language and then I have it translated by a Being that inhabits my field. She is very helpful that way.
A few months ago, a group of Beings showed up, claiming I am like them and so is my "other". In other words, these beings are my original "family" of Light, eons ago.
As I explained somewhere else, these Beings do not reproduce, but some of them feel the need to have a companion, so they split in two, male and female, and become each other's forever.
This apparently is what happened to myself and my "other" and the need to return to one Being keeps the two together.
Well, many happenings later, I am now a Human and he is some other Being I cannot identify and he does not know how to explain who or what he is.
Apparently only Humans have this need to explain and compare things.
Well, the people like me have explained many things, as they seem to have no problem communicating in English, and they insist in staying here now, and also insist I must accept my other as apparently I am his other too.
I have gone through a parade of visitors from other realms and dimensions in the last 7 years and the aftermath has completely transformed me into a Being called Amayah living in a Human body.
I have always looked for my twin flame or significant other throughout my life, and about 12 years ago came to the realization that he or she was not here at this time.
I also believed that my significant other was human, as I of course, am of that species.
Never in my lifetime imagined that my other would be a Non-Human Being from a different realm in this Cosmos we are a part of.
I wanted to believe that I am not weird, or delusional, or whatever.
I wanted to have a "normal" life, get married, have a family, live the American dream.
Well, it didn't happen.
So here I am, in complete non acceptance of the reality I am in, because accepting it means I am not like everybody else.
What I am, who I am, what I have lived through, I don't like to talk about because i wanted so much to be accepted and not be seen as a freak.
I had three NDE's that I'm aware of. I have been opened to all realms of existence since I was 3 years old and it has always been my life. That in itself scared people away, some even told me only Jesus could do what I do, that I was delusional, and some even demanded that I taught them to do what I am capable of. The problem is, I'm still discovering what I am capable of doing.
So now I have an "other" that insists he wants to be with me, to be one with me, to mate with me (yes, we have mated a few times), and there lies the crux of my angst: I am Human, he is not. I cannot see him with my eyes, but his presence is very strong, and he is a sentient being. He cannot love like a Human, but he feels and can be loving, but mostly he wants to be with me and I don't.
Apparently, if I'm not delusional, and the whole story is true, he waited for me to return to him for millions of years, our time (outside of this realm time is irrelevant).
And no, he is not mistaken. I am his other and he is my other, but it was so long ago, my memory was completely erased while his remained intact.
I had an experience in 2016 where I was expanded out of this realm into infinitesimal particles and became the cosmos itself.
I was everything, everything was me.
That experience, although out of the ordinary, created an awareness of a reality the majority of Humans are incapable of understanding. A reality that is simple but cannot be described, or labeled, or scientifically categorized or dissected.
A reality that we are a part of and that can only be integrated to be transforming.
After that experience, all categories used to explain the unexplainable crumbled.
Everything just IS.
There is no magical thinking, or magical doing, there isn't a man on a throne up in the sky making things happen for you, there is no magical universe or angels, or archangels, there is only an energy field where energy forms dwell. Some of these forms are ethereal, some have a shape, some are denser and vibrate at a lower frequency.
I merged my energy luminous self with my physical vehicle and also merged consciously with life.
I am this planet and all life in it and this planet is me.
The awareness that I was different became a reality. It made it more difficult to continue the old social habits such as small talk and going along with the belief systems so prevalent in Humans.
I was always able to sense the lies and bullshit, but now I see it plain and clear. It saddens me that others cannot experience life without the baggage they carry.
It is very painful to see and be part of the current state of this planet. It is even more painful to know that I may not be here long enough to see a change for a more enlightened Human species and that, this being my last time here as a Human, I will leave behind a planet that is dying.
It's been a while since I posted here as my focus was elsewhere.
So many fleeting moments when I think, hah, I should write about this, but then the moment passes and I move on to something else.
Someone I knew posted on her social media wall about her illnesses, and how she became her illnesses, and nobody could help her, and so on. She embodied the victimization of her own creation and memories of my life with physical tribulations came flooding my awareness.
I learned from very early on not to depend on anyone else for anything. Even when I was sick, I never thought of the illness, it was just another event I was going through and I couldn't wait to get well again.
To me, life is a never ending series of events, and I never allowed myself to be stopped by anything in my way. If I can't get through I find a way around it.
In the early 1980's, I worked in an office where most people smoked. Eventually, I had to take a three week leave of absence because the cigarette smoke made me ill. It affected my immune system, and some bizarre symptoms almost stopped me on my tracks. I didn't have family to take care of me, I had to work to pay rent, so I kept going the best I could.
In the late 1980's, I got a job in an area considered to be the most polluted area in Southern California, only I did not know it at the time.
My immune system crashed again, to the point where I could not eat anything but drink water.
Yes, I did go to doctors, but in those days I was just a big puzzle they were not able to solve, so I took my health issues in my own hands. I researched, I experimented and I forced myself to overcome and be healthy again. It took me two years, but I left those events behind me.
I did not become my problems, I did not identify with the physical pain, I did not solicit pity and I took care of myself to the best of my ability.
I also learned through experience that, unresolved emotional trauma if not released, takes up residence in the physical body, waiting for our attention. I learned to think wholistically, playing detective, intuitively listening to my body, my inner wisdom and my healing Guides.
Everything that ever happened to me since birth left an imprint in my energy field, my emotional field and my physical body. As a matter of fact it happens constantly, on a daily basis. The difference is, I now pay attention and release what I'm holding on to before it becomes a debility or a disease.
Yes, there are those who are born with a compromised immune system or other non-conforming traits. Still, you are not your disability, or your disease.
The body you were born with adjusts to your life if you accept it and be thankful for its efforts to be your vehicle in this realm.
,The way I was raised taught me to keep everything to myself and never boast about my skills or abilities.
Maybe because I was told many times that "I was too dumb to do this or that", I avoided advertising about myself to keep from having my heart broken.
Countless times I saw the expressions of surprise on people's faces when I produced something others couldn't. Fast forward to the mid 1980's when I consciously entered the energy world, taking classes and astounding the teachers with what I produced. I shrugged it off, as I've always been that way, nothing new to me. After all, isn't everyone psychic?
In the mid 1990's, when I joined shamanic drumming circles, the experiences became more exquisite, akin to people that experience Ayahuasca trips. To be clear, I never took any hallucinogenics, as I very much prefer full control over my brain. Besides, shamanic visions have always been my "normal" life since my NDE at 3 y.o.
In the late 1990's, higher frequency energies began to appear in my life, and the messages were always about me having to start my work here, which I always replied that I was working already. This lead to "You don't know who you are, do you?"
In 2005, after a space craft hovered over my head for a minute or two, different energies begun pouring in and in 2006 they dictated a book named the Transmission. Shortly after I became the vehicle for their transmissions.
The famous galactic center alignment in 2012 got me swept into the movement and Beings from six different Star Nations took over the work of the Transmissions. In 2013, things got very different. In October of 2013, six different E.T.'s showed up in my life for six months, transforming me into something the Star Beings could use as a 24/7 vehicle for their transmissions, anywhere and everywhere I went. It was brutal and eventually I was able to stop it.
A series of Beings, including the Elohim, showed up and continuously asked me if I knew who I was, but they wouldn't tell me who they believed I was until a Being came and told me I am Amayah.
This was in 2014. It has taken me until today to accept that I am what they say I am.
The whole story of Amayah is too fantastic for me to accept, maybe because my ego is the size of a walnut, I don't know.
To make this long story short, Amayah was a Being that was a composite of a body, different energies with different attributes and the luminous Being that I am. She was brought to his planet to create, alongside many other Beings, the magnetic field that could sustain life on this planet. When Homo Erectus was selected to become a high vibrational being with the mission to care for this planet, other Beings showed up and stopped Amayah. They dismantled the original Amayah and took the Luminous Being from her and placed it in a Human. That Luminous Being is who I am and that is why they call me Amayah. When the dark Beings that wanted to make sure humans stayed in a low vibration which suited them, multiplied and colonized this planet, much suffering ensued. Not all Humans are of this legacy. The Beings that were here with Amayah were also made Human so they could not help her escape. In this lifetime, my determination was to be free. Free of everything that blocked me from being.
In 2016, when darkness became emboldened by the man that eventually would become the President of the US, I started to drum and ask for help. Many came, but they told me they could not intervene. In 2018, a group of high frequency Beings from the Large Magellanic Cloud came and told me they came to investigate a disturbance in the field being felt everywhere. These Beings belong to the Galactic Council of Light, and soon, many joined them in the efforts to remove the legacy, as I call of the frequencies left here by the dark ones that stopped Amayah, from the energy matrix on this planet.
They discovered that the legacy was deeply entrenched here and called for different Beings, with different skills for help. With the recent awareness of the fires burning in the Amazon and the intense pain this brings to my heart, they asked for many more to come to stop the destruction of the Earth.
They came here today. Their energy was of intense compassion for myself and immense respect for the work Amayah did here to create such a diversity of life.
I always felt an intense oneness with this planet and all life in it. What hurts the planet hurts me deeply. The senseless destruction of life feels personal. What these Beings told me today, not just in words, but with their energy, took down any vestige of doubt that I am Amayah in a Human form. It helps explain all the weird stuff I am able to do but never able to explain how I did it.
I'm not expecting you to believe me, and I'm ok with it. I, myself spent four and a half years to accept it, and now I do.
Thanks for reading.
Now that I'm an adult, my understanding of childhood experiences are, let's say, more rational and realistic than the perceptions of a child that had expectations unfulfilled.
I was born into a Jewish family and as such, sent to a Hebrew elementary school. Let's just say, I felt like a fish out of water there, not because I couldn't excel academically, but socially my family status was different from all the others and was looked down upon.
My mother was divorced and the sole provider for the family that included myself, my grandmother, my half brother and my aunt, her younger sister. She didn't drive a car so she depended on public transportation to go places, therefore she couldn't take me to school or pick me up from school, or attend any functions I was required to participate.
The other kids picked up on it, as I relied on the school bus to pick me up and take me home, along with several other kids too.
I was only 7 or 8 years old, and without any warning, I was taken out of that school and sent to a catholic school run by nuns, walking distance from my home. I could not understand the why, as I was never told why, but as a child I believed I wasn't worth of anything good. It wasn't until 40 years ago or so, that I realized my mother had her ups and downs financially as she was self-employed, and in down times, money was tight and she had to make do with shortcuts, hence the nuns' school.
Well, the nuns wanted me to be a good little catholic girl, kneel and make the sign of the cross, and sit in the bible class. I refused to participate in it, as I was Jewish and did not do those things.
As punishment, I was made to stand outside the door for an hour until the class was over. One day, the nuns had enough and decided I was going to sit in the classroom and listen to the story of Adam and Eve.
As she recited the story, I had this picture in my mind of a man and a woman and thousands of people born from them. I didn't laugh at the time, but my immediate reaction was, "no way, this is not possible!"
Well, the kids at that private school called me names, made me cry and called me more names. The nuns then, trying to diffuse the situation would tickle me until I screamed for them to stop. Pure torture.
One day, without advance notice, the teacher announced it was test day. I was seated next to a very large girl and she decided to write all the possible answers on the table. She then proceeded to place her school briefcase over it so the teacher wouldn't see it. Well, the teacher saw her sneaking a look under the briefcase and stopped the test to confront the girl.
The girl burst into hysterics, saying she didn't do it, and pointed at me as the guilty one. The teacher? She looked at me and said, "well, you are not crying, so I guess you did it."
For punishment, no playing in the playground with other kids for a month. After a couple of days of making me write hundreds of "it's a sin to lie", the teacher decided to let me read the books available in the classroom, as well as taking them home on Friday to read over the weekends. I read all the classic fairy tale books, fantasy books, and slowly embraced that realm as my own.
Eventually, I guess my mother's financial situation improved and I transferred to a private tutor to prepare for middle school.
Again, it wasn't until about 40 years ago that I saw the good that came out of the catholic school experience. I discovered the fairy tale realm, I learned that I had discernment at a very early age and knew what was possible and what was bull. The fairy tales inspired me to talk to plants, animals, clouds and all kinds of imaginary beings. It kept me sane in a realm of insanity which was my family. It was the beginning of a shamanic path that brought me to a realization that the other world of "imaginary" beings is a world where lies are non-existent, love is always present and acceptance was a given.
It's been a while since I wrote another blog.
Just because I'm a Shaman, doesn't mean I'm done working on myself. I believe one's core issues will never disappear; instead, the intensity it brings to one's life diminishes with time and work and it becomes the inner teacher and guide.
A core issue is constant, always present, always asking for one's attention.
When one pays attention, accepts it, and recognizes the valuable opportunity it brings to wisdom and maturity, one understands it's purpose for being there and stops acting out the pain.
When one recognizes the core issues in one's life, specially a Healer's life, compassion and presence develops not just for the Self but for others.
I have done a lot of work on myself, releasing layers upon layers of pain and suffering, each time making more room for my true self to come home.
Interesting thing, numerologically, I'm a number five life lesson. Freedom is what I came here to pursue and achieve. Freedom to be, to speak, to have absolutely no ties to anything or anyone.
There are so many aspects to the meaning of freedom. Just when I thought I finally did it, another aspect comes up for me to accept, integrate the lesson and release.
It's like the Universe says. "well, lets see if you can go deeper now and figure this one out.."
In the late 1980's, I enrolled in the Healing Light Center Church, run by Rosalyn Bruyere., in Glendale, CA. As part of the curriculum, she believed that all healers are wounded healers, and that we needed to heal ourselves in order to heal others.
She encouraged all her students to experience Past-Life Regression therapy, and recommended her friend Dr. Morris Netherton. So I heeded her advice and for a year and a half I embarked on the journey of self-discovery, first with Dr. Netherton himself, then with a certified practitioner of his, and lastly with a dear lady that became a beloved friend of mine.
I remember wondering why all my previous lives where so tragic. A wizard apprentice that knew what the wizard was doing to poison the King, an herbalist in the Middle Ages, viewed by the village as evil because she knew how to heal, a Medicine Woman in an Inca Village poisoned by a man that declared that if he could not have her she needed to die with all her people, and so on.
I asked if I ever had a happy life, and was transported to a Monastery in Tibet, where I was happy being One with life.
The common tread in all those past lives is that I never felt that I belonged anywhere. I was never accepted, I always knew what was going on and always ended up killed for what I was.
Fast forward to this life and it has always been very obvious I never fit in anywhere.
The need to fit in, be accepted and be loved created a behavior I cannot sustain anymore. It is not in the best interest to me, this planet and all life on this planet to allow others to view me as a threat to their illusory existence and then retreat. It has been very obvious to me that, my mere presence anywhere, mirrors back to others what they are afraid of seeing in the mirror.
Subconsciously, everyone senses each other's energy and presence. How it translate into their awareness depends on what they are being triggered with by another's energy.
In the early 90's I met several gifted people in Sedona that were very impressed by my presence and proceeded to tell me things like, "Wow, you are pure Light, you sit at the right hand side of God", or, "When you were born, all the Gods in India rejoiced", or "Your hands feel like the hands of God touching me", etc.
My reaction? Rage. Why rage? Because my reality on this planet did not, and never did, match their visions. Yes, my life here was a struggle. It was filled with abuse, pain and suffering. In my mind, if I was such a thing they described to me, why did people shun me?
The Beings in my life explained to me this way:
"What you represent to others is what they are afraid of accepting themselves. Humans have accumulated so much density, their cries for freedom were buried deep a long time ago and when your Light shines in their presence, their pain is so great, they cannot themselves break the walls and join you in their magnificence. It is easier to reject your presence because they have come to believe as their truth, that they are small, powerless and must keep those walls up in order to survive. What you represent to them is what they have come to believe is not possible, much in the same way you did not believe it yourself when you were told the truth of who you are."
Many years ago, a friend called in the evening to ask for healing. She was washing dishes when a pyrex dish slipped through her hands and landed on her big toe. She believed it broke her toe and it turned black and blue.
I went to her house and worked on her foot for about 30 minutes. While I did so, her two cats perched themselves across from us each on a chair and watched. I noticed how they sniffed the air as they looked past me and I thought it was interesting. They definitely saw the energies but I wasn't sure if the energies were giving off a chemical reaction in the air or not. Perhaps they just couldn't smell anything but where baffled by what they saw?
I know animals have heightened senses that we lack, so perhaps the healing helpers with me emit a scent we humans can not detect?
I never got an answer and still wonder which hypothesis is true.
Fast forward to now.
I have a very aware amazing cat that does the same thing when the high frequency Beings come in my field to speak. My other two cats don't do this. I just watched her now, as the Galactic Council of Light was here speaking to me. She sniffs the air, trying to identify what she is seeing. As soon as the Beings leave, Babygirl returns to her normal cattitude and stops sniffing the air.
One of my other two cats goes into a light trance when they are here, so I know the energy is affecting her. Besides, she loves and begs for healing when I go to bed.
I've had quite a few remarkable cats and dogs that sense and see energies our eyes cannot detect.
One of them once jumped in the air trying to catch a spirit Raven in the middle of a healing circle I was doing in my living room. Another once sat in the middle of the living room yeowlling loudly at 3 a.m. I got up and couldn't see anything out the windows until morning, when I left for work and saw the commotion outside. The neighbor next to me was broken in and raped at exactly 3 a.m. the night before. I treasured that cat. She sensed people's energies and let me know what they were really like.
How is awakening defined?
Typing awakening on Google, these definitions popped up:
a. an act of waking from sleep.
In a way, yes, many people are now waking up from the slumber of denial that racism is not rampant, that hatred isn't a christian thing, and that everything is light and love. Unfortunately, everything isn't light and love, and for some it will never be. Tell that to the children in war zones, to women raped and abused every day on this planet.
b. an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware of something.
Yes, as in becoming suddenly aware that all the coping mechanisms that brought you to where you are in life are not really who you are, and that you have covered the authentic Self with so many layers of false beliefs you really don't know who you are.
c. coming into existence or awareness.
Yes, when life stops working for you, when all the relationships feel empty, and you have a realization that there is a bigger picture you have not looked at for your life, and you immerse yourself into merging with your Luminous Self, when you have an experience of Oneness with the field of consciousness, when you find stillness in the breath, when you become aware of the field of life you are a fragment of, that's the process I call "awakening".
It is not a glamorous process, but an inevitable one in the evolution of life.
It starts with everything known to you coming undone, pushing you out of the comfort zone created by the walls you were forced to erect between you and the world in order to feel safe.
It starts with resistance to the new you being uncovered and coming into light.
It starts with resistance from family and friends that do not know you anymore, and the struggle to belong in the same environment you felt so comfortable fitting in.
It starts with finding new ways to express the repressed pain and feelings of not being accepted.
It starts with questioning your sanity, religious dogma, science, history and philosophy.
It develops into learning to be present, to listen to your heart, to becoming aware of your body, emotions, thoughts, energy field and the wisdom of who you are.
It develops into an awareness of the field of consciousness we are a part of, an awareness of connection and communication through other means with other life forms on this planet and beyond.
It develops into a higher frequency, as the old lower vibrational pain dissolves. and it's replaced with the higher frequency of love and peace.
It develops into the awareness that you are never alone, because one is never alone in the field of consciousness.
It develops into acceptance of what is, that some will never achieve a higher frequency in their lifetime, that everyone is unique, yet not separate, that because we look different from one another, one is not superior or inferior to one another.
Raising our physical frequency to match our Luminous Being's frequency is a process that has no manual or instructions. It's a process that is unique to each individual and will progress based on commitment, willingness, determination and the amount of false beliefs one has layered upon the Self.
My determination to live, despite many instances when I sank deeply into suicidal thoughts, and a strong desire to free myself from the prison I saw myself in took me on a long journey to "awakening".
It took precisely 67 years to finally feel free from the illusions I had about myself, the world and the unmet needs I desperately wanted to fulfill.
Freedom to be the real ME was my purpose and what drove my life.
So when I had that realization, that I was finally free, that I know who I am, I had no idea where to proceed from that point.
To me, that's the awakening and ascension goal. To let go of everything you are not and become nothing.
No labels, no boxes, no purposes.
Just be and allow.
We are born defenseless and vulnerable, yet we are born knowing what feels good and what doesn't.
We learn quickly how to differentiate between love and rejection, who is our mother and who is not.
Yet, while this becomes our foundation for sensing and feeling, we are still dependent for a few years on the adults we were trusted into. Even when knowing that our instinct is to trust the ones that are supposedly taking care of us in the best way they know or not, we learn the opposite. We learn not to trust.
With that foundation of not believing others' words or actions, every situation we are confronted with is viewed through those lenses of distrust and skepticism. And we are validated over and over again.
This is my story, of being lied to, deceived and rejected by the very same that were "supposed" to be my loving family. It made me independent, first, because I got tired of broken promises and took action to get what I was promised myself, second, it made me very resourceful, as I declared over and over that I can do whatever it is I set my mind to.
My NDE at age 3 opened me up to a different view of life and I painfully knew when people's words and body language did not jive. It is inherent of me, and further solidified my distrust of people.
Fast forward to my thirties and the shamanic world of healing. I felt very at home in it and trusted my Guides and Helpers. Still do, but what I neglected was a healthy dose of skepticism. I knew energy does not lie, and it has been my compass in life, until 2007, when my naivete accepted a different set of beings adept at "using" for their own agenda. They too rely on energy and know exactly what to say to make you trust them and cooperate with them.
My rude awakening came in 2012 and lasted for six years until I learned that I too, am a master at reading energy and am equal to those Beings.
I also learned that anger is a powerful ally when learning to stand up for myself and assert myself.
Now fast forward to a couple of years ago, when all those Beings were finally gone from my life and a different set took their place.
It seems that the Universe is playing a game of hmmm, let's see if you can master this level now, like those computer games that take you from simple levels to more complex ones to see if you can beat the computer.
Now I've got groups of Beings that are persistent and not so easy to get rid of. They finally realized that I'm not an easy one to crack, and are somewhat transparent with their motives for being in my realm, but they complain that I don't trust them, ha ha ha... No, and I never will. The pain of discovering I was deceived into believing a lie, the pain of a heartbreak is not something I want to revisit over and over again.
I want to trust. it would be much less stressful, but after living through hundreds if not thousands of little and major heartbreaks, rejections, and depression, I can't.
I trust animals, I trust nature, I trust my helpers, I trust my grandmother who is in spirit, and I mostly trust myself, although sometimes I ignore my intuition.... heck, I'm human and therefore not perfect.
I never felt like I belonged anywhere, and even though I came to accept it, the human part of me wants to feel like a piece that completes the fabric of humanity.
What is happening on the planet now makes it very difficult for me to believe that I belong anymore.
I don't. It makes me very sad, a beautiful planet that I love so much is being destroyed by the very same that depend on it to thrive.
It pains me to know that this life being my last one on this planet, will not see humans accepting one another and supporting one another.
I am Amayah. Here you will find the story of an amazing being that became trapped in the cycle of incarnation on Earth. I hope that my experiences inspire you to discover your story.